Not the First
Wibie's Heart Wound

Kinan, the woman I married five years ago chose to leave. He left me and his daughter, the fruit of our marriage. Devara's.....

I can't blame Kinan entirely for everything that happened. Kinan smart women, graduates of UGM mining engineering faculty with cumlaude achievement level. It is only natural if he has a dream of having a career in accordance with the disciplines obtained during college.

After the thesis exam, I got an invitation from a government-owned mining company. Accepted to work without tests because of my academic achievements. The offer was immediately caught because this is an opportunity that my friends do not have in the mining engineering department.

I had a permanent job and Kinan decided to get married. We live at the end of Sumatra according to my place of duty.

After two months, Kinan tested positive. She was pregnant with our first child. His status as a wife and future mother of the fetus he contains, enough to make him panic.

From the beginning it was agreed to postpone pregnancy, for that I allowed her to use contraception. Apparently, destiny is of another will. She was also declared pregnant.

As a result, some of the interview calls he made, only ended in disappointing answers. His expectations to be able to work in a bona fide mining company are constrained by his condition.

The pregnancy added a burden to her. He's getting desperate. His days are always moody.

"I'm not ready yet. I wish I could work and have a career first. Why is it like this? It all happened outside of plan!" he complained one night. He cried a lot before falling asleep in my arms.

I love this woman so much. As much as I could understand him, that what happened had become His will. Maybe Allah SWT has a beautiful plan for him.

The presence of children in the middle of the family, does not mean closing the possibility for him to work. He could start his career after the birth of our son. He is still young and there are still many companies that want to accept employees even though they are married.

Whatever I did to cheer him up didn't pay off. Her body is getting thinner, even when a pregnancy check-up doctor recommends that she consume nutritious food so that her fetus is not malnourished.

My care, patience, and love cannot change his circumstances. His condition got worse when our first daughter was born. The presence of such a beautiful and cute little angel did not make her maternal instinct touched.

Kinan is often hysterical, cries for no reason and likes to hallucinate. I often find Kinan talking to himself. Kinan did not want to see or touch his son. The sound of his son's crying did not want him to hear.

I decided to discuss this with the best psychiatrist in town. According to him, Kinan should get special treatment because of the condition of psychosis (postpartum psychological disorder). This condition not only endangers himself but can harm his child. Some cases that occur, the mother can kill herself and even eliminate the life of her child from the face of the earth.

According to psychiatrists, postpartum psychosis conditions experienced by Kinan

quite heavy. Although this is often experienced by young mothers, but when viewed from Kinan's health record that since the beginning is not ready to have children, it needs serious treatment.

My decision to have a special therapy on Kinan after more than three months of no change actually invited the wrath of his family.

Hearing the words psychologist, psychiatrist, makes them angry. They protested to me because they thought Kinan, his favorite daughter, was mentally disturbed.

"It's so rude, you. Indeed my son Ndak sane what, use brought to the psychiatrist," snapped Kinan's father at that time.

I was showered with insults and anger because they argued, after getting the blessing to marry the only daughter but I could not take good care of her.

Although I have given the view that not all who come and need the services of a psychiatrist is a person who is not sane or crazy, but does not reduce the possibility of my father and mother-in-law. He accused me of being the cause of all this. Kinan was lonely because I was busy working and other reasons cornered me.

Finally they brought her daughter back to Jogjakarta. Devara, who was 4 months old at the time, still needed the love of her mother, they just stayed.

Kasian Devara, the fruit of my love and Kinan never got the caress of affection and milk from his mother. Now it is

aged 3 years and ten months, he grew up healthy like children his age. I'm so grateful for that.

The sad events of five years ago, still make my heart ache if I remember it again. During that time, her mother and extended family did not want to know where we were.

I've tried many times to bring them together, all the contact numbers Kinan and his people can't be contacted.

I also visited Jogjakarta, Devara was two years old. Funny pictures he gave to the Kinan family. But they very much begged me not to open the dark story that made his daughter's heart wound gap again.

Kinan is healthy, he has also worked and got a good position in PMA (Foreign Investment) mining company.

"Please don't remind Kinan of his dark times. He got what he wanted. Let him be happy. Didn't Devara grow up healthy and happy without Kinan? Please do be fair to me. Let my daughter be happy" I found my mother-in-law pleading with me with tears.

Since then I have decided not to go back there. A few months later, I received a letter sent by my father-in-law. Divorce papers. They separated me and my daughter unilaterally.

Perhaps because of my full attention and the affection of Oma and her aunt, Devara rarely aired her mother's whereabouts. You could say almost never*.

"Papa......Papa....," cried my little angel accompanied by the sound of sandals that responded to the stairs. Rey's voice asks Devara not to run.

Instantly the daydream is swept away by Devara's adorable face. My smile immediately expands. I quickly got out of my bed, opening the door for her.

"Papa, Soo An's father is a zombie, Pa. Trus dead. Soo An was just as sure as she was pregnant," exclaimed the child sadly as Wibie opened the door and greeted her plump body. Wibie lifted Devara's body and kissed her puffy cheeks.

"Papa, we don't have to find mama anymore, Deh. I'm afraid we're meeting zombies...Defa same who? Defa wants to be here, only Kak Rey is the mama Defa. May it?" said the boy innocently. His face still looks sad, discussing the fate that befell Soo An in the movie Train to Busan which he just finished watching.

At once Wibie looked at Ray who was still standing at the door of his room. Rey looks clumsy and her face is red. Wibie had caught her gaze so shady before she bowed in embarrassment.

There was a thump that suddenly spread throughout his body. The thump and blood flow that feels right now is not the main thing, but the closeness with Devara that makes me say a prayer. Wishing that what Devara said was completely agreed. Rey wants to be a mother Devara continued.