My Love Journey's
Still Survive

Paul: Just got my bachelor's degree!! Say hello to a registered nurse!

I just sent Paul a photo of my graduation, purposely showing him the engagement necklace and ring he gave me to let him see how happy and proud I am to be the woman who made it into his life. In the photo, I also smiled sweetly.

Paul replied to me on the eve of the night while I was texting at eleven in the morning. Nice work!

From: Paul: Wow, congratulations, love!!! I wish I was there and celebrating with you. Oh, my gosh. You're so beautiful, Bianka! I love you x

Paul: I love you too. What do?

From: Paul: Sorry, love... There's something I have to do. I'll call you later, okay?

I groan in my heart. Anxiety strikes again until my chest feels tight every time I remember it. The two days we spent when my mother and I visited Madrid were absolutely incredible, but reality hit me immediately from every direction once I returned to Germany.

My busyness is getting worse as my master's program study schedule has begun, as well as Paul. The training schedule for each of his matches with Real Madrid is very tight. We still keep texting or chatting on the phone occasionally, but not as often as when he moved to Spain early on.

Now, with my work and studies taking up more time and more energy, I, the weeks went by and it became even more difficult because we could not adjust the schedule as planned in the days before he went to Spain.

Until now there have been very many rumors that say Paul is in a relationship with several Spanish models, and he always managed to convince me that the photos circulating are only edits, and he always managed to convince me that the photos are only edits, or just cheap gossip that is not clearly the source.

But, but not with one news that has been published lately. Paul said nothing about the news. There was no message from her to clarify a photo showing her holding a sexy model, of course. In essence, he seemed to justify the news, or at least that's what I caught from his silence.

My mind was getting messed up considering our relationship was slowly getting further and further away. Well, I know we're both busy and really I can understand that, but I can't stop worrying about where our relationship is going.

What if the photo with the model is correct? What if he's in touch with another woman over there? Such thoughts never cease to haunt my days.

I struggled so hard to convince myself that Paul couldn't possibly betray me, he promised and I tried to trust him. But he never talked about the news at all.

***

From: Paul: Love, I was drinking. I don't know why I got drunk, but I guess because I missed you too much x

I frowned at the screen while reading Paul's strange message several times. It's past midnight, and he says he's drunk.

To: Paul: Are you okay? Where're you?

From: Paul: Please, don't be angry, love. I swore I refused, but Gareth and the rest of my friends forced me to come along.

From: Paul: We're in a pretty closed strip club.

Instantly my chest was claustrophobic reading his message.

Paul: You're at the strip club?

From: Paul: Yes, love. But I was just sitting at the bartender's table with some of my friends. There are no women. I swear.

To: Paul: It's better. Remember, Paul, we're engaged, and you promised not to enter that place.

From: Paul: I know, love. I have really refused, this is not my wish at all.

All right, whatever you say, Paul. I was too tired to work all day in the hospital, my energy was completely drained. There is no gap left for me to be able to argue something else. My own mind was dying to imagine how messed up our communication was now, not to mention the many sickening rumors that were slowly beginning to take over my senses. One by one the problems came, and right now they were piling up as if they were leading me to a rage that I didn't know for what, or for what.

I trust him. Am I starting to doubt it now? Is Paul being completely honest with me?

To: Paul: Okay. Have fun with your friends, but don't get too drunk. I'm already sleepy, and my schedule is early tomorrow. I love you x

The three dots under his name appeared indicating he was typing a reply making me undo the intention of putting the phone down. I lowered my gaze to look at Frosty who was sleeping beside me, gently I rubbed his delicate fur.

From: Paul: Wait a minute, love. I'll call you.

When her name was seen on the phone screen, I immediately answered the call. "Hey, baby.." he muttered from the end of the joint.

"Hi." My tone clearly sounded more slender than I thought.

"I'm outside now. Can you hear my voice?" tanyakanya. It's been a month since the last time we met in Spain and I miss him a lot.

"Yes" I said, breathing heavily. "Paul, it's okay if you're with your friends. Go ahead, I believe you."

"I knew. Uhm, some paparazzi took a picture of us when we came in, and I don't want you to be surprised to see it." He chuckles subtly. "What meda?"

Ah, so now he's explaining a photo that might be circulating tomorrow morning, but not saying anything about the hundreds of rumors about his proximity to the Spanish model?

"Lying in bed. It's too late and I have to get up early..."

"What clothes are you wearing?" ask her with a joking tone.

I laughed while shaking my head. "Hoodie's yours."

"Paul! Dude, go back inside!" my faint ears caught the voice of a man calling out to him. Munkin was one of his friends.

"Yes, wait a minute" said Paul, then spoke to me again. "That's all?"

"What?" I'm yawning.

"You're just wearing a hoodie?"

"Yes... Paul, there's no phone s-e-x tonight."

"He? Okay, okay" he said with a laugh. Then suddenly his voice sounded serious. "I'm sorry, Bianka. Lately my schedule's been tight and I haven't had time to call you."

"It's fine, Paul. We're both busy, right?" calm reply. "Is there any chance you'll be home any time soon?"

"I don't think so." he muttered sadly. "I guess you're busy this weekend, right?"

"Yes. I barely have time to even rest. My schedule's been getting messed up since my master class started."

"Okay. Uhm, Bianka..."

"Hm?"

"I think it's better to go home now" he said, his tone as if asking.

"Oh?"

"Yes. Strip club is not a cool place if my fiance is not coming," I can imagine him smiling right now. Whether this made sense or not, but her gentle voice made my heart a little calmer.

"I don't want you to make me the excuse that keeps you from having fun with your friends, Paul. Go, I won't get angry." I said gently reassuring him. "Just take care of yourself from the 'strange' creatures that roam there."

She laughs. "No, I better go home. Harry, Johnny, Thomas, and Ellie are coming tomorrow. So, I should be aware when welcoming them." Paul announced.

"Ah, good to hear that. You must miss them so much." I said, back yawning.

"Yup."

We chatted until about five minutes later. Not an important chat, just ask about each other's activities until Pauk calls Alfred and goes home. After making sure Paul really went home, I was relieved to disconnect the phone.

To: Stacey: Bee! Elliot's birthday in a minute, how about we celebrate at your house? x