ARTHUR
47

I stayed, however, maybe longer than the day. I may be cursed to share in a common destiny. How then? Life depends on a thousand possibilities, not to be calculated or predicted. The seeds of premature and lingering death are sown in my constitution. In vain hope to escape the disease that caused the death of my mother and brothers. We are a race whose existence of some inherent property is limited to a short period of twenty years. We are exposed, as with the rest of humanity, to innumerable casualties; but, if these are shunned, we are doomed to perish by consumption . Then why should I hesitate to give up my life for the sake of virtue and humanity? It is better to die in the consciousness of having offered heroic sacrifices, to die with quick blows, than to die of evil nature, in shameful inactivity and prolonged suffering.

This consideration determined me to rush into the city. Mentioning my purpose to Hadwin's family would be futile or destructive. It would only increase their current amount of anxiety. I must face a thousand obstacles in the tenderness and terror of Eliza, and in the compassion of her wise father. Their arguments that I should have heard, but should not be refuted; and should have only charged me with crimes and courage.

But how else should I explain my absence? I have until now kept my lips untarnished by falsehood or falsehood. There may be no chance that justifies untruth; but here, at least, it is excessive or painful. My disappearance, if done without notice or warning, would give birth to speculation and conjecture; but my true motives would never have been suspected, and therefore would not have arisen in fear. My behavior will not be prosecuted with any errors. It will only be thought of with a little regret, which will be lightened by my opinion of salvation, and my daily hope will return.

But, since my goal was to search for Wallace, I must first be equipped with instructions to where he lived, and a description of the person. This satisfaction over the head was easily obtained from Mr. Hadwin; who was prevented from suspecting my curiosity motives, by my questions being asked in a seemingly ordinary manner. He mentioned the street, and the house number.

I listened with surprise. It was a house I knew. He lived, apparently, with a merchant. Is it possible for me to be wrong?

What, I asked, what was the name of the merchant?

Thetford.

This is my first guess confirmation. I remembered the amazing way I used to gain access to this man's house and bedroom. I remember the person and appearance of the young man who with his intelligence I had become entangled in a snare. This intelligence implies a domestic or secret relationship between Thetford and my guide. Wallace is a member of the family. Could it be that he was betrayed by whom I was?

I am far from suspecting that these goals are criminal. It is easy to conclude that his behavior stems from juvenile delinquency and love of sports. My resolution did not change with this disclosure; and, having obtained all the information I needed, I quietly began my journey.

My reflection, on the go, is quite used in tracing the consequences of my project; in calculating the inconveniences and dangers I am preparing for myself; in bolstering my courage against the influence of depressing landscapes and sudden transitions; and in imagining the right steps to take in every emergency.

Because these views are related to Thetford's family and character, I sometimes cannot help but bring up the incidents that have previously occurred. The trade alliance between him and Welbeck is remembered; an allusion made to the latter's condition in a room conversation in which I was an unexpected auditor; and the relationship that these allusions may have with subsequent events. Welbeck's property has been scorched. It had been kept secret for the care of Thetford's brother. Has the cause of this seizure been thoroughly or has it been thoroughly explained? Hasn't the contraband been received through management or under the cooperation of the brothers? and could it be that the younger Thetford was not equipped with the means to buy the captured ship and its cargo,— which, as usual, would be sold through auction for a fifth or a tenth of its true value?

Welbeck did not live to gain an advantage by detecting this intelligence, admitting this conclusion was fair. My knowledge will be of no use to the world; for by what motive can I be influenced to publish the truth? or by whom will my sole testimony be trusted, contrary to that sensible exterior, and, perhaps, that general integrity, which Thetford has maintained? For myself, it will not be profitable. It is a lesson on the principles of human nature; on the delusions of appearance; on the perviousness of deception; and on the forces with which nature has invested man's thoughts and actions in one another.

Thetford and his deception were put out of my mind, to give a place for consideration relative to Clemenza Lodi, and the money that had been thrown into my possession. Time just confirms my goal to return this bill to the rightful owner, and increases my impatience to find his retreat. I reflected, that the way to do this is more likely to suggest themselves where I am headed than elsewhere. I may, indeed, perish before my views, in this case, can be achieved. Against this evil I currently have no power to provide. As long as I live, I will constantly bear about my volume and its precious contents. If I die, a higher power must direct this course like all other events.

This meditation did not weaken my resolve, nor slow my pace. In proportion as I approached the city, the signs of catastrophic conditions became clearer. Every farmhouse is filled with supernumerary tenants, fugitives from the house, and haunting the outskirts of the road, eager to hold every passenger with question after news. Passengers are many; because the wave of emigration is not exhausted at all. Some were on foot, with their faces showing signs of their recent terror, and filled with sad reflections over their country's grief. Few get asylum for themselves; some have no means to pay for food or lodging for the night to come; others, who are not so poor, do not, but not knowing where to look for entertainment, every house is already crowded with its residents, or blocking its unfriendly doors to get close.