That man is my husband
125.

I immediately crossed my hands over my chest. I'm not ready yet, not ready to go any further.

As if to understand my anxiety, Keanu said and explained that he was simply changing my clothes. Not a single bit of himself saw what else was holding.

"You don't worry. I closed my eyes while I was changing your clothes and again I did not act so brazenly. Not touching anything. Really."

Keanu's words were so serious. He seemed to be afraid if I thought negatively of him. Although I know Keanu has the right to see, touching even more than that is fine. Only one problem is that I'm not ready. I can't accept this marriage.

My heart is still on Mr. Zain. I don't know how she is right now. And. I don't know why this has to happen. It's too fast and it's like a nightmare.

"Can I hold your word?" my many.

"certain."

Am I guilty of saying this to my own husband? Even though he wasn't the husband I expected. His status is still my husband.

Oh God, I'm a pervert, a dilemma and a fret. I'm afraid that if I accept this marriage, Mr. Zain will be fine. How is my marriage to her? But even though Mr. Zain's situation is fine, it's impossible for me to be with Mr. Zain.

Is this the meaning of my dream? Dreams that are often present when I am doing istikharah? Is this the answer? Oh my God, why is it like this.

It hurts so much to lose a loved one. If I can be honest I already have feelings for Mr. Zain. Since..he defended me on the first day of college.

Then. knowing he wants to edit myself of course I welcome his good intentions. Unexpectedly it turns out there is also a man who I just knew bravely and sure has the same intention. Of course I don't want to choose wrong even though my heart is leaning on Mr. Zain, still I have to be horrendous.

The ringing of my cell phone made me aware of thoughts - thoughts that felt as chaotic as the head. I immediately picked up the phone that was none other than A Rey.

Before picking up the phone from As, I tried to strengthen my heart maybe he wanted to convey something related to Mr. Zain.

"Assalamualaikum, A," I said from behind the phone.

"Wa'alaikum salam. Deck, you're okay, right?"

I know A Rey is so worried about me. And of course my situation is not good - fine.

"I'm trying to accept my destiny. Although not yet fully accepted, still my sadness will not make everything back at first. I'm...." I did not continue my words, I was too unable and I was too weak to accept all of this.

I sobbed, expelling all the sadness I felt. I felt like a hand was touching my shoulder, and then suddenly I turned my body around until I unconsciously wrapped my hand.

"Ais, you're still reminding me of what Ada said?" Aa paused her words maybe she was giving me a chance to answer.

On the sidelines I tried to answer the statement he made. My forehead shriveled a little trying to remember something Aa once told me.

"Ais remember, A," I replied as I recalled A Rey's words the day before I decided to choose one of the men who wanted to propose to me.

"The ice must accept, whoever will be a companion to life. Aa knows for sure your heart is leaning more towards Zain. But if Zain is not your soul mate, do not be discouraged. This is the best for everyone. Maybe your soul mate is Keanu. It's just that Allah SWT has his own way of uniting you and Keanu."

I'm getting helpless, I can't help but cry. If yes...why do you have to do it this way? Astaghfirullah.I really do not know what is implied by this incident..

I tried not to cry anymore, then a firm hand suddenly landed on my cheek wiping with gentleness. I looked up and realized that I was in the arms of the man I called my husband.

Realizing it the account intends to keep my body away. But he pulled me back into his body.

Why does it feel so comfortable? I felt like I was being hugged by Abi and I felt like I was being hugged by A Rey too.

But I pushed Keanu's body away. Then I went back to talking on the phone with AA.

"A how are they? Did their car really explode?" ask me with all my might ready to hear anything that is likely the worst thing.

I heard a breath from the other end of the phone. It seems A Rey is so heavy to say. I prepared myself and my heart to hear the news about Mr. Zain and his family.

"Hmm, their car exploded. But simultaneously their car drifted into the river."

"Astaghfirullah," I can only read Istighfar.

Why so bad their fate? Mr. Zain, Reni.

"Ais, be sincere. Resignedly. This is His word."

A Rey's voice echoed from behind the phone. Makes me realize that nothing is impossible in this world. Sometimes what we plan is precisely Allah SWT always has another plan.

And...

This is one of Allah SWT's plans. Maybe for now I should try, err, not try but should be able to accept this marriage. Must.